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How To Survive After Getting No Sleep

Posted in General Health 27 Aug, 2015

Getting a good night's sleep is important for our wellbeing and friendships.

No one likes a snappy arse and if being tired does one thing, it helps you lose your temper quickly.

The benefits of getting enough sleep are numerous. It helps fight off depression and boosts your sex life, not forgetting it's also an effective weight loss method. But what about those nights when you don't get enough?

I'm talking about sleep, you filth-monger.


When you wake up, promise yourself you'll go to bed early that night. The thought of not sleeping for 18 hours is horrifying.


Break the day down into bite-sized chunks to minimise the horror. This really helps if you are in charge of a wailing baby. Just make it till lunch, then tea, then bed.


Eat your breakfast. It's always important but more so than ever when you are lacking some shut-eye. Make it eggs, wholemeal toast or healthy cereals.


Avoid sugar because the last thing you're going to need is a sugar spike vortex to contend with. What if, God forbid, the chocolate machine is broken when you arrive at work?? Large intake of sugar can cause serious health implications such as type 2 diabetes. Start off with slow-burning foods like bananas, pasta, veggies and stick to that. No sneaky Kinder Eggs or Refreshers.


You might resemble Skeletor's dead granny but don't be tempted to wear sunglasses unless it's blazing out there. You need light. Stay by the window, take a stroll at lunch even if you think you'll collapse (what better way to recover than a sleep in A&E) and take a smoke break - but don't actually smoke! This is for light-gathering purposes only.


Get some exercise. Ahahahahahahah! No, I'm not joking. When you go for that light-gathering stroll make it a brisk walk. It'll get your blood pumping and refresh you with oxygen. 20 minutes is enough. If it's lashing down outside then run on the spot, do some stretches, or jog up and down stairs to get yourself moving. I'm sorry about that, but it's medically true. I know it's awful, please don't cry.


Cold water. Drink it and splash your face with it (not the same water). This will reduce your under-eye bags to Tiffany size, plus the shock gets your blood and hormones pumping.


Whip out the concealer to create some fake-awake. If you look OK, you'll feel ok. If people say 'By Zeus's arse you look rough/tired/half-dead' chances are you will feel even worse. If you are organised enough you can stash away a flattering outfit for a day like this. Choose a colour that suits your skin and wear it near your face - redheads, this means coral.

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And last but not least...


Don't make any big decisions. Save it for when you have all your faculties in order. Lack of sleep skews the brain towards optimism even if the evidence suggests otherwise. Your judgement will be on the turn so don't spend any money, go on a date, or take a chance on that blind turning. When you are tired, hold yourself back. You won't regret it.

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